Coming Out: Emails with dad

4/27, 1:44 pm. From dad to Me.

Hi Meggs. How has your week been. Everyting ok? (Jamaican accent..)

4/27, 2:49 pm. Me to dad.

Yep, ev’ry-ting’s goood. : )

I assume mom told you I’m hoping to have gastric bypass surgery? Just wanted to keep you guys in the loop! You know me, always working on some big project!


4/27, 3:27 pm. Dad to me:

Well, mom did say you had brought it up but didn’t exactly put it to me as “hoping to have gastric bypass surgery.” Please, consider the long term affects (I know you are) and give some other alternatives a good chance…?

I love you just the way you are of course, and will, no matter what. I will also support whatever decision you make. This is the first I have heard of you thinking this way and it sounds to me that its all of a sudden. It just hasn’t sunk in yet.

Can we talk more about it some time?

Love you,

Dad Daddy

Dang it, I don’t want to sign off as Dad. I want to say Love, Daddy. So there…

4/27, 4:04 pm. Me to dad.


I really only mentioned it to mom because I felt bad intentionally NOT telling you guys, but I don’t really want to talk about it much. It’s an emotional issue and you make me cry (sorry!), but I’m talking my self out with all the medical professionals for sure! I am doing 6 months of diet & exercise with my doctor & a nutritionist first, and that started a couple weeks ago. I will probably see a counselor soon too to deal with the emotional part.

The surgery definitely has the potential for long-term complications, and I’d have to take supplements for the REST OF MY LIFE. I know how serious that is.


It’s also serious to not do something productive. It doesn’t help my health to lose SOME weight and then battle up and down the scales forever. I need help to lose a substantial amount of weight and then kind of start over with diet and exercise. That’s how I see it. I don’t think that in my whole life I’ve ever had healthy eating habits–I’ve either been gaining weight really fast or losing weight really fast, never just maintaining a reasonable weight. When I get to a healthy weight I’ll have to learn how to do that for the first time.

So, I appreciate that you are willing to talk about it with me, but I just kind of want to get r’ done and not talk it to death. I don’t plan to tell anyone else until I know for sure what’s going to happen (insurance and all), so I really really hope mom can keep her trap shut. : ) I just felt really weird withholding information! If I had a child, I’d want to know about this.

On being sudden… I first checked into insurance for this 3 years ago. I’ve been thinking it out and researching ever since. Certain catalysts have prompted me to go for it now:
1) Heidi had a similar surgery and she’s doing awesome
2) My mom is giving herself shots. I don’t want to go there.
3) If Stephanie can spend money on boobs, I damn well ought to be willing to spend money on what’s medically necessary
4) My feet hurt. My back hurts.
5) I see pictures of myself and I can’t even hardly believe that’s me… I still feel like I look great! I guess my self-image is a little too positive!

Ok, so that’s about it. For now, I’ll just be changing my diet via the nutritionist and checking in with the doctor every 4 weeks. Nothing’s going to change for another 6 months or so (well, except some pounds gone, hopefully).

Love ya,

4/27, 5:07 pm. Final email, dad to me:

OK, OK, but now I am crying…

I love you!

I hope you understand some of my comments / thoughts. I still have this feeling of (trumpets blowing) dat ta da da…dad’s here to fix things. I mean damn it, that’s what I am supposed to do and if I can’t make things all better then what the hell good am I anyway?

Any way, I digress. You are a beautiful, smart, loving, gentle, full of life person and I am very proud of you. So, please don’t forget that.

OK, I’ll stop for now. Got to go.



I’m not sure that conversation could of have gone any better. I appreciate my dad’s support and his willingness to talk about it (not easy for him). I feel better now that it’s out in the open.


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