Coming Out

I told my parents. Writing my last entry helped me identify some of the reasons I didn’t want to tell them before. 1) Shame, 2) judgement, 3) uncertainty on how to balance the flow of information moving forward. So I spoke to my mom via telephone, and just said, “hey, there’s something I want to let you know about. I wanted to keep it to myself, but I’ve started feeling like I was being deceptive, so I just have to let you know” and I told her. I also told her that I don’t plan on keeping her posted on every detail or making a big deal out of it, but that I wanted to let her know. Mom was supportive, but somehow insulting at the same time (a specialty of hers!). She applauded me for “facing the giant” and said I need to try to eat right and exercise first and that she has been concerned, etc. She encouraged me to talk to others who have had the surgery (duh.) and told me that my dad has been very concerned and mentions it often, but didn’t want to say anything to me because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He made the right choice! I know beyond any doubt that my mom loves me. But her tone was somehow conciliatory in an insulting way. She talked about me facing “my giant” and my health and my weight and my habits, all without acknowledging in any way that she is just as unhealthy too, that she fights this same “giant,” that she knows how I feel, nothing. I could have been talking to a string bean on the other end of the line! As a fat person, I know that the tendency is to distance oneself from other overweight people–like if I’m not as big as someone, I don’t have to relate to their issue because mine’s different and it’s not as serious. I don’t know. It was weird. BUT! Mom did initiate the discussion about keeping it quiet and said, “I will respect your privacy and won’t mention it to anyone.” I don’t believe her, but at least she knows what I want. I also explained to mom that I was sorry to not talk about it in person, but that she could tell dad as I was sure that would be fine. So we ended the conversation.

A couple of days later, I told Rachel that I had informed mom and she said, “I know. She mentioned it. I figured you must have told her.” So she’s already talking, but I can hold out hope that it was just to Rachel!

I did follow up with my dad via email. I’ll post those for posterity next.

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