764 Bigbutts!

I am the new captain of team 764 Bigbutts! More later…


Bye bye, size 28’s.

I began the diet recommended by my nutritionist last Saturday. I’ve done rather well, I’d say! I eat 7 grains, 5-7 ounces of protein, 3 fruits, 3 vegetables, 3 fats, and 3 servings of dairy each day. It’s actually difficult to fit it all in sometimes… the dairy, I’ve found, is the most filling and easiest change to implement. Getting 3 servings of vegetables has been the hardest part, alongside limiting those grains. But! Since last Saturday, I’ve lost about 3 pounds. No complaints!


Happy Cinco de Mayo! Anyhow:

Two nights ago, I went in for my polysomnogram (i.e. sleep study). The night was horrifically uncomfortable and weird, but at the same time not-so-bad. Let me explain. In my head, I visualized a bedroom-style suite complete with warmly-painted walls, a ceiling fan, and some sense of decor. I half-expected a 2-way mirror with someone monitoring me from the other side, and I fully expected just a few wires nonchalantly attached to various spots on my frame. Not so.

First, this was no home-like suite. It was all bright white walls, fluorescent lights, and medical equipment. The place had an inviting lobby, but my room left much to be desired. From linoleum floor to the tiled ceiling, I was definitely in a medical office. Second, no attempt was made at decor. The bed looked like a 20-year old hospital bedspread (think stiff, starchy, faded floral) and I immediately saw a HAIR on one of the pillows. A short one, eh hem. Thank God I brought my own linens! But what shocked me most was the discomfort. I was ready for a few electrodes… not a million. And I had no idea that each electrode would be preceded with painful skin irritation and gel application at the hands of the ever-so-gentle technician. I think he removed 7 dermal layers with one q-tip. With a q-tip! So aside from the 9 electrodes stuck to my scalp (read: glued in my hair), I had miles of wires to contend with. The 9 head-electrodes were braided together and hanging from my damned head, pulling every last strand of my hair with it. I had 3 more electrodes on my shoulders and chest, two on my legs, and then a band around my chest and one around my abdomen. As I tried to fall asleep in the hot, hot room on the cheap, foamy mattress, wires were pulling everywhere and yanking on my skin. It was a blast.

In the morning when it was time to wake up, the technician literally said “g’morning” as he began RIPPING the electrodes and their glue off my face and out of my hair. I guess I made him mad or something… ???

Overall, the procedure was pretty simple. I think I just got an angry technician! He was able to confirm that I do have apnea, but he couldn’t tell me how frequently or if I will need CPAP treatment. Apparently, a doctor will evaluate the information that was recorded and will get back to my within a week.

I did get to watch a really lame, really old video about sleep apnea though. It involved several old fat dudes but hey, I realize I’m a rarity for a sleep apnea patient!