My doctor smokes dope

So aside from the millions of weight-related doctor’s appointments currently on the docket, I also had my annual well-woman exam to look forward to this morning. I was overdue, as I’d been avoided doctor’s offices once my weight climbed over 350. I’m at 351 now, but after my last menstrual cycle that lasted SEVENTEEN river-of-the-nile days, I knew it was time to go back.

Last time I saw this particular doctor, we ended the appointment with a discussion about pregnancy. I weighed something like 337 at the time, and Dr. Day–who also struggles with her weight–said, “well, how would you feel carrying another 20 pounds around? Just try to imagine if you could do that. If you do get pregnant, you are at a high risk for some complications, but it wouldn’t be anything we can’t treat.” Neither of us would have expected that one year later, I was carrying another 30 pounds with no pregnancy to blame.

So, suffice to say, she understands my struggle with weight. And as I talked with her, she was coming out of her normally placid personality and getting frighteningly excited. She lost 22 pounds in 25 days!!! It’s so easy!!! She’s not even hungry!!! It really, truly works!!! Here’s my cell phone number so that you can call me anytime to talk about this!!! It is THAT effective!!!

And she brought me some information on this new miracle cure. Get this.

Ready?

This is good.

It’s a set of beads you tape behind your ears and rub (gently, in a forward, clockwise direction) every 2 hours while practicing Chi Gong breathing techniques. I am not even joking.

The website is www.accuweight.com and, I kid you not, the premise is that by taping acupressure beads behind the ears and breathing in a specific way, hunger can be eliminated. All you have to do is pay the $175 initial fee, send in photographs of the back of your ears (!?!), and call in to a weekly conference call. Oh, and don’t eat anything before noon or after 6pm and follow the weight-loss recipes.

So basically, I learned that my doctor is on crack.

But what’s really sad is that I’m so desperate, I just might try it.

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2 Responses

  1. […] already knew my gyno was smokin’ dope, but today’s appointment did result in one good thing, which is that Dr. Aung wants me to […]

  2. […] 10th, 2007 I went back to the crazy gyno today for a retest. She’s persistent, I tell you. She desperately wants me to try […]

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