3 months ago, I made a choice

On April 13th, I took a step to change my life. I went to a new primary doctor (who has since retired) to discuss my weight. Did you catch that? TO DISCUSS MY WEIGHT. I initiated that conversation. It was painful, and I cried, and I did it anyway.

Since that day, I’ve lost 19 pounds (not much, but still… that’s 6% of my excess body fat). I’ve had 17 doctor’s appointments that included an EKG, an ECG, three ultrasounds, a chest X-ray, two polysomnograms, bloodwork, and a diabetes screening. I’ve learned: I’m “pre-diabetic”, I have sleep apnea, I’m low in vitamin B12, my heart is healthy,  my cholesterol is great. I’ve spent $1,617.90 on  various copays, deductibles, and prescriptions.

I’m still working toward gastric bypass, despite the risks. I have: visited two Bariatric Centers of Excellence, verified insurance coverage, procured a 5-year weight history, and half-way completed a 6-month physician-supervised weight loss program.

Losing weight isn’t easy, but the hardest part for me–the part that requires the greatest commitment–is the emotional work. Talking to people. Leaning on people. I’ve had difficult conversations with my family about my choice. I got on my husband’s nerves, talking about it so much. I’ve had moments where I’ve told too much, and other moments where I’ve said nothing at all. I joined OH to learn about WLS. I joined OA to learn about me.

In the next 3 months, I plan to:  establish myself as a patient with the surgeon I’ve selected, make a final decision about whether or not I want to have the surgery, continue working on the emotional component of my eating issues, and prepare my life for change. According to the foods database calculations, I can eat approximately 2000 calories per day and still lose about 2 pounds per week, which will help me reach my goal of 285 by my sister’s wedding in December, WLS or not.

Three months ago, I decided to fight this battle. Today, I’m winning.

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