No counseling for you!

While my weight continues to (slowly) drop, I’ve noticed disordered eating patterns creep back into my life. Since I just can’t seem to get a grip on eating a balanced diet, I compensate with purging which is, in essence, low-grade bulimia. It’s gross, it’s embarrassing, but it’s also effective.  I can give into a compulsion to eat, throw it up, and continue on with my diet. Sickening, but true.

Yet as I inch closer to an actual surgery date, I am beginning to realize that the weight issue will definitely be resolved. After gastric bypass, I will lose weight. Reaching an ideal weight is not guaranteed, but I will lose weight nonetheless.

But what about these eating issues? I was anorexic in high school and I’m comfortable with binging & purging as an adult. What is wrong with me? What is the essential underlying problem?

I knew I had eating issues, but it was cemented during the brief 3-day stint on Meridia. On that medication, I didn’t even think about food. I ate a little and went on with my day. I now know that my current way of thinking is not normal, not balanced.

WLS won’t cure my mental obsession with food, and I owe it to myself to seek out a holistic cure, not just a physical one. So I went to my university’s counseling  center last Friday looking for help. The session lasted 90 minutes, but the verdict was not good; basically, my issue is “too complex” for the session limit (5 appointments), and I need to be “referred out” to an eating disorder specialist. Well dang, I can’t afford those $200 an hour specialists, so this will just have to wait.

The eating issues. Will they ever cease?

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One Response

  1. Meg.

    After WLS, the compulsion to eat/not eat can get really intense. While I don’t think I had much of an ED before, I do NOW. Hang in there – keeping writing about it. Self-therapy.

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