2 weeks from now…

I’ll be gutterally rearranged. It’s an impossible range of emotions, not unlike climbing all the way up to the precipice of a roller coaster: there’s a culmination of energy and excitement as you finally experience what you’ve been standing in line an hour to do. But it’s also scary. The clank of those last few seconds before descent leaves me feeling like I have to pee, have to get off the ride, can’t survive the impending plummet. I’m at that point right now, and I’ll be holding here for another 13 days.

I’m not turning back now. I’ve spent way too much time and money getting up to this point. I’ve done the research, I know the risks (both of surgery and inaction), I trust my doctor. I have support. I know what my future will look like if I don’t do this, and it’s not acceptable to me.

The choice has already been made. I’m on the ride. I’m buckled in, and that means two things: (1) there’s no way out, but also (2) I’m safe. I just need to close my eyes, scream a little, hold my breath, and wait until the car stops. 2 weeks, and it’s done.

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4 Responses

  1. Oh Meghan – I so remember being right where you are – if you haven’t already – you should go to my blog and read through the stuff at the end of October and begining of November… you’ll see that what you’re going through is completely normal.

    I wouldn’t expect to go through that for the full two weeks – I went through it for a day or two and then made my peace with it. I think that since we have to do so much research and work to get the surgery scheduled – that deep down we’ve got a certainty and peace about our decisions that others don’t get before surgery of this kind.

    I wish I was closer to you – so I could hold your hand and let you know that it’s all going to come out great, and you’ll never look back… I promise that you’re not going to regret this for one moment when it’s done… it’ll be weird for a while… but so rewarding. Just know if you wake up with a huge dent in your tummy – it’s completely normal – I wish someone would have told me that!!

  2. Ready for the plummet? WHEE! šŸ˜€

  3. Meg, I hear you! I already have moments of sheer terror, even though I know I have already made the decision and will follow through on it. I have already asked my surgeon how soon after check in on surgery day can I have happy juice because I know I am going to be tearful.

    You will do great! And though I can’t be there in person, I will be thinking of you and praying for you all day that day until you are able to let us know your okay and on the loser’s bench! Will hubby be able to update us after your surgery?

  4. Meg,

    I am lifting you up in prayer girlfriend! I SO know how it feels. Today is my last day of work, and I am like “whu? How did that happen so fast?!”

    my email is lacyrose81@yahoo.com We should connect!

    Blessings,
    Lacy

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