It Started With a Picture

Easter 2007. It was hot. I was miserable. Lee had expressed he was worried about my weight. I felt like shit physically. Emotionally too. I noticed people didn’t take many pictures of me any more, but my Aunt Debbie (official family photographer) did get a few shots of me that day.

When I saw myself in those pictures, I knew something had to change. I called my insurance company about weight loss surgery coverage. I got a new primary doctor. I attended a weight loss surgery seminar. My weight at that seminar? That Easter? 364 pounds.

For my surgeon’s support group, our assignment this week is to bring a “Before” picture to the next meeting. I hadn’t seen those Easter pictures in over a year, but I knew they were the ONLY evidence of me at my fattest. I asked my mom, who procured them from my aunt, and then emailed me with the message “Can I say — you were than and are now — a beautiful girl, inside and out!” That’s my mom trying to soften the blow. She knew the pictures would be hard for me to look at.

I received this picture on Sunday and it has taken me two days to write about it because I’ve had to choke back the tears. This, you guys, is what I used to look like:

Why didn’t I see it at the time? How could I have possibly let it go that far? How could I even turn my head with all that fat around my face?? No wonder I couldn’t breathe in my sleep. My God. (And no, Lee doesn’t run around in wife-beaters… he had been playing football in the back yard.)

It’s my past. I’m ashamed of it. I wish it had never happened. But here I am now. Here I am trying to turn my life around. Here I am making my life different.

I’m certainly nowhere near done, but I’m getting there.

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6 Responses

  1. Well, I do have to say that you are beautiful in both pictures – but I completely understand what you’re saying. I have many pictures like that, but I honestly don’t see much change in mine… yours my friend are AMAZING… you look fabulous, and I can tell that it is helping you break free and live life too!

  2. The places we have come from, Meg, are what made us what we are today. Older, wiser, more conscience of our health. We also have the ability to be sympathetic to others who are in the same boat that we once were. We know not to look down on those that suffer from obesity. Part of me wishes I had never gotten so big, but another part of me wonders what kind of person I’d be now had I not had the struggles I have.
    You look beautiful though, Meg, in both photos.

  3. sweet and beautiful girl…

    can I just say, there are some women out there who no matter how big they are, will and always are stunning. you are one of those ladies. even at your biggest, meg…you were stunning. and here you are, so many pounds lighter, and becoming a sex kitten! *laughs.

    I understand your feelings so well. we come such lengths, and we wonder if we were ever really that person at all. i can’t even imagine how radiant you are going to be when you reach goal, b/c you shine at this very moment.

    Lee is so lucky to have such a beautiful wife! It is hard, isn’t it? looking back? and the fear of returning is so thick and miserable.

    it’s good to look at ourselves and remember why this was such a blessing.

    i mean, can you girls imagine had we not done this? I start to shake thinking about it.

    cheers. and here’s to the future….

  4. Meg.

    You. are. hawt. stuff.

    Both versions of Meg are delightfully delish. (Let your man read this blog, it will scare him, lol.) It wouldn’t matter if you were 500 lbs or 150 lbs. You are amazingly gorgeous. You know this.

    Now, go make babies.

  5. so. basically….I’m just flipping thru your old entries, and I’m yet again so impressed at this transformation of yours. so stunning, meg.

    I loves you!

  6. […] You undoubtedly have realized by now that I am in an interracial marriage (pictures of the hubby here, here, here, and here). 99.8% of the time, I forget that our marriage is different in any way, that […]

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