He’s Amazing!

I went to a friend’s baby shower this weekend and saw a bunch of people from high school, including my best friend from that era, Stephanie.

There’s nothing that erases all feelings of weight loss success like being around skinny people who have ALWAYS been skinny.

I know I’m my own person, with my own challenges in life, and my own set of circumstances. It doesn’t do any good to compare oneself to others.

But there’s something about being around people from high school that just makes me feel like a nobody all over again. I can’t get over Stephanie’s size-zero body and her new awesome fake boobs. She looked amazing. And tan! She never used to be tan!

The weird thing is, I know Stephanie felt bad too. Being around me, she’s reminded that she didn’t go to college. She still lives with her parents. She isn’t married. I know this girl SO well that I can physically SEE her feeling like she doesn’t measure up. Like she’s somehow behind in life. It’s so untrue.

I came home after the baby shower and changed my clothes. As I was undressing, I felt like total shit. My arms look like an 80-year-old woman’s. My stomach is getting flabbier. My thighs are saggy. I look disgusting!

That afternoon, Lee noticed a change in my attitude and asked if I was jealous of Stephanie or something. I said, “no!… well… actually, maybe. Yeah.” I can’t shake the insecurity that comes from knowing my body needs serious work. Work that I may never be able to afford.

Lee just called me today from work. He just wanted to tell me that he loves me, and when I feel down, he feels down too. He said I look great and I don’t need to feel bad. He’s not going anywhere and he loves me no matter what.

We hadn’t talked about this since Saturday. How did he know that at that moment, I was checking out the Plastics forum over at Obesity Help?

I have an amazing husband. Even if I no longer have amazing boobs.

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3 Responses

  1. You know – I go through moments of feeling like that too. Especially when I’m around family that will never know the struggles that I’ve had with weight, and how that mentally takes its toll on me… but you know what – they aren’t happy with their bodies either… we’re always looking to change something and better ourselves – so even the best beach perfect body wishes something would be more tonned or tanned… so we’re all in this together, and none of us will ever feel like we look perfect. Sad, but I think it’s a curse that women carry all of our lives no matter what we look like – it’s like it’s brought on with puberty and we carry it until we just get to the age where we don’t care anymore… I wish that came earlier in life!!

  2. I think that we, as women, are way too hard on ourselves and I’ll bet you would be hard pressed to find any woman out there who can say she is perfectly happy with her body the way it is (except maybe some of those fat acceptance people and they don’t really count).
    Here’s the fact: You are absolutely gorgeous and you have a husband, a God, friends and family who all think so. Besides, it is so much more important what we are inside and you have that one down pretty damn good too!

  3. oh, dear sweet Lee. I’m glad he encouraged you, lifted you up and gave you love in that way. You are darling and deserve all the warm fuzzies you get.

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