Over that hump

So I’ve been stuch at around 205 for weeks and weeks. Not just in my mind… I double-checked in Fitday where I log my weight. It has been weeks!

I know stalls are normal. I see people whine about them all the time at OH. But this isn’t normal for me. Not when I’m doing the C25K and cycling 40 miles on Saturdays. Calories in versus calories out? Something didn’t add up.

So when I realized I had eaten my SECOND ginormous bag of popcorn from a local grocery chain’s deli, I realized snacking on popcorn over 4 days isn’t any different than how I ate before surgery. (Except that it would have been over 4 hours, not 4 days).

I have been treating my body like I’m in maintenance mode. I’ve been snacking, enjoying carbs (hello wheat thins!), and here’s the big confession: I even ate a regular full-sugar oatmeal raisin cookie. The sad part? No ill effects. I’ve been way to lenient with my food choices, and I actually feel the difference. I feel fat, I feel frustrated, I feel out of sorts.

So I stopped and asked myself, “Meghan, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?” Why are you PURPOSEFULLY staying at 205? Because while my mind was frustrated with 205, I was making conscious choices holding me there.

And of course that question revealed some real fears:

  • All the reasons I started packing on weight in the first place happened in the 100’s. I was never comfortable with my body there. So there’s psychological associations with the 100’s that are scary for me (or were back in the day)
  • I’m afraid of how my body is going to look as I keep losing weight. The skin thing? It’s not true what they say. Being young doesn’t help.
  • The closer I get to my goal of 145, the bigger the fear of failure. What if I don’t get there?

So I’ve been resting comfortably at 205. Accepting all the “You look GREAT!” compliments, buying my size 14’s, thinking this is the life. But it’s not.

Yes, to keep going is scary. I’m embarking on new territory. I don’t know what to expect down there near “normal.” But I owe it to myself to find out!

And so it’s back to basics yet again. Protein shakes (I use Pure Protein ready-to-drinks, on sale this week at Vitamin Shoppe!), water, 5 days of exercise no-questions-asked. Time to get this train moving again.

This morning? 203. Choo choo!

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3 Responses

  1. Yeah!! I need to do the shakes again myself – my doctors scared me away from them a while back because of the calorie content… but I still think it’s a good option.

  2. Good for you!! You have that scale moving again! Meg, let me let you in on a little secret, k? There is no doubt in my mind, nor has there ever been, that you are going to get to your goal weight. You have what it takes, sister and the right attitude to get there!

  3. it is scary.
    and a life without doing something a little goodfrightening every single day isnt living.

    right?

    right???

    🙂

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