Mourning a Loss

One of the things I’d love to devote more energy to right now is working on better friendships. I haven’t really met anyone I’ve become close friends with since high school. I don’t make friends quickly or easily, but when I do I keep them forever (or so I thought).

There are several reasons why this area of my life is lacking:

  1. Between ages 18-22, I spent every waking moment of my free time with Lee. I was in love and didn’t have time for friends.
  2. Ages 22-26, I’ve been married, working, and going to school. I’ve kept in touch with a few folks, but I see them irregularly and they’re all busy with their own lives.
  3. Lee and I aren’t actively involved in a small church. Our church is huge and we attend infrequently, mostly because of his crazy work schedule.
  4. It’s difficult to find friends this way… there are lots of women I love, but they’re all tied up with their kids and their kids’ friends’ families. There are lots of unmarried friends I’d like to spend more time with, but they’re all tied up with dating and partying and living the single lifestyle.

But what’s really bothering me is a relationship I’m losing with one particular friend. I can’t say she has been the world’s greatest friend or anything, but we’re similar in our education, marital status, beliefs, interests, etc. Problem is, Elise (pseudonym just in case!) doesn’t seem to put any effort at all into maintaining contact with me.

It’s my personal belief that we need friends who are different than we are, and that nobody can fulfill ALL our friendship needs, and that it’s best to accept people where they for who they are and enjoy the good in them. No, I don’t want to spend all my free time with some of my friends. But they each have special qualities that I appreciate.

So, despite the fact that none of my friendships are particularly deep, I’m mourning the loss of this relationship with Elise because it feels like a rejection. I don’t know if I said something to upset her, or if she sees me as different from her in some way, or what. But we used to meet for dinner once a month, and now I can’t get a dinner planned to save my life. I waited 2 months for her to choose a date (because that’s how we left it last time), and nothing. I finally emailed her earlier this week to say hey, and got nothing in response.

I have no idea what happened.

I guess all I can do is know that I did what I could, I was a good friend, get over it, and move on. I’m just feeling a little perplexed is all.

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2 Responses

  1. I think that when you are just left out there wondering is when it is the hardest. If there were a fight, or a difference that was causing conflict – thus resulting in a loss of the friendship… you at least have a reason.

    I could equate that to so many things – I mean the same is true in being laid off versus being fired… at least when you’re fired – you get it… it doesn’t just seem like a cop out.

    I hope that it’s just a misunderstanding… but if not – it’s really her loss in the end.

  2. It’s always so hard when a relationship ends and you have no idea of why. I had a guy friend walk out of my life nearly 17 years ago and I still dream of him from time to time because I had no closure; no idea what happened.
    All I can do is pray for you, Meg. Friendships are hard, especially when personal circumstances change. I am blessed to have a handful of close friends, most of whom I see once every other month if I am lucky, and we just pick up where we left off. But those friendships were a long time coming.

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